So I Went to the Doctor’s…

And the good new is that I’m not dying.

But I do probably have mono. Which is not good news. Because I would very much like to keep my spleen un-ruptured. Oh and the swollen tonsils that strike fear and horror into the eyes of everyone who dare look upon them? Yeah I would like those to go back to normal as well.

Really the only good thing to come out of this sickness was being able to come home to Ohio for the first time in months (yes months). I missed my family. And my dogs. And my fluffy, giant white down comforter. It was also really nice to have my mom take care of me for the day yesterday because you know, being independent and an adult is all well and good but there’s nothing quite like your mom bringing you soup and giving you medicine and checking in on you.

That being said, if I’m a little AWOL from this blog – it’s because I’m catching up on some much needed sleep lol.

OH and finally getting a haircut.

The undercut will be back and at least two inches will be leaving from the rest of it as well and I’m so excited.

Pictures to come, I’m sure.

-Julie

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home & safety

Written 4.16.16 – when I was going through an especially rough pre-finals rough patch. I have not been home since December. Because home is not a place. Home is a person, a feeling, Home is safety.   I have not been safe since December Because I cannot create safety Within the rotting walls I live. […]

ghost

This was written on 3.22.16. I don’t always feel invisible, but when I do – it’s suffocating. i am a ghost haunting you screaming & shouting & begging you to hear me as you walk on by.   “can’t you see me?” i cry because one look just one look please look at me please […]

A Letter to 9th Grade Me

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“The Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History”

Deadliest shooting in American history leaves at least 50 dead at Orlando gay club; gunman dead following hours-long standoff with police The headline of the NY Daily News read by 12:32 pm on Sunday June 12th, approximately 10 hours after what is now being called the Worst Mass Shooting in American history began, leaving over […]

2.20.16

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Journal Quotes: February-April

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BPD

(a poem written on 3.9.16 after my discovery/diagnosis)

a diagnosis

is not a

death sentence.

 

it is a

sign that says

DANGER! KEEP OUT!

(in shocking red letters)

 

if you come here

you are walking on

t h i n  i c e.

 

a diagnosis is

a breath of fresh air

for 2.5 seconds before

the questions come.

 

“what does this mean?

“but did you talk to a real doctor?”

“how can you be sure?”

“maybe you’re overreacting?”

“so does this mean you’re crazy?”

 

sure. I’ll be crazy

if it makes you feel better.

because why should

MY DIAGNOSIS

be about me

when everything and nothing

has been

before.

 

welcome to my

(now justifiable)

disorganized and irrational

mess of a mind,

(excuse the chaos)

where we go from

love to hate

in 2 minutes flat

literally

as we

s p l i t.